


Falling Petals

by YaGirlClutchie



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: M/M, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 04:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14560620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaGirlClutchie/pseuds/YaGirlClutchie





	Falling Petals

Brian always thought his death would come in one of two ways: violent from a pub fight or in peace with his family around him. He’d never imagined that it would come in the form of flowers in his lungs. Never thought he would wake up from a long night of drinking with Craig and Tyler to feel his throat stuffed with what felt like cotton. Never thought he would be coughing up the petals of carnations, red and yellow mixing together on the floor of Craig’s apartment. Once he had cleaned up and settled back on the couch, Brian sorted through his thoughts and realized what had happened. 

Hanahaki disease wasn’t supposed to exist anymore; it was a tale from long ago, something his mother had told him about. If you loved someone and they didn’t feel the same, flowers grew in the lungs and took over the respiratory system resulting in death. The only way to fix it was for the other person to love you back or to have surgery to remove the flowers. But the surgery comes at a cost: the patient will never remember the person he loves again. 

After the events of last night, Brian knows that the man he loves will never love him. “Damn it, Craig,” he whispered into the empty room. “Why did I have to fall for you?”

He’d fallen in love slowly, late night conversations over Skype leading to road trips and visits to the other’s home. The visits stopped when Craig moved to L.A., but the conversations during and after recording sessions didn’t end. Brian hadn’t realized how much he missed actually physically being around Craig until he took his first trip to L.A. The whole Uber ride to Craig’s apartment had him shaking; the hug that his friend gave him caused his heart to swell. They swapped stories, recorded videos, and hung out like they always had, but Brian felt himself staring at Mini as if it was the last time he would see him. He felt his heart trying to map the outline of Craig’s face through his eyes, his brain memorizing the other man’s laugh to play back later, and he felt sparks when Craig nudged his shoulder to try to mess him up during Mario Kart. That night, tossing and turning on his hotel room bed, Brian realized his problem: he was in love with Craig.

His feelings grew as the visit lasted, and when Craig dropped him off for his flight back to Ireland, he found himself with an aching chest as he watched his crush leave in the Uber. He moved through security in a daze, lost in thought about how he felt for his friend. After he got to his gate, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out to see a text from Craig that made a blush come to his cheeks and hope to fill his heart.

**Craig:** Thanks for coming to visit. I really enjoyed having you here. Don’t wait so long before you visit again ok? : )

**Brian:** I won’t, promise. I had a blast. Thanks for having me!

Six months later, Brian was about to visit again. The feelings for Craig were stronger than ever, and he wanted to see if entering into a relationship was even a possibility on this visit. He had tried to be more flirty during conversations, and Craig didn’t seem to be weird about it, so maybe there was a change. Craig had said he was going to meet him at the airport and that he had a surprise to show him. As he boarded the plane, Brian felt himself getting more excited; this two-week visit could change his life.

Hours later he stumbled from the plane, weary and jet-lagged. He looked around for Craig after he grabbed his bags off the baggage return. Finally, he heard a “BRIAN!” from the other side of the concourse and saw Craig’s obnoxiously pink hair running toward him and crushing him in a hug. He didn’t want to let go, the feeling of finally having his arms around Craig after so long too much to bear. But then, he looked ahead to see Tyler walking towards him, shaking his head.

“Craig, one minute I’m buying you freaking Starbucks and the next you’re gone. What am I gonna do with you?” Craig laughed as he let Brian go to grab the coffee from Tyler’s hand. He then stretched up and did something Brian had never expected: he kissed Tyler’s cheek.

Brian felt the blood rushing to his head and heard ringing in his ears. It was all he could do to keep tears from forming as Tyler and Craig talked. Finally, he heard Tyler say “Babe, I think we broke him. Wait, did you not tell him?” “No, I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Brian swallowed the lump in his throat; he had to act cool in front of the couple even though he wanted to break down in the middle of the airport. “Well, you certainly did that! How long has this been going on?”

Craig smiled. “Sorry man. It’s been about two months officially, but we’ve been talking around it for about a year. Let’s get out of here, and I’ll tell you all the details later.” Tyler grabbed one of Brian’s bags with one hand and Craig’s hand with another. They walked out of the airport together, joking and teasing each other as Brian followed behind.

“Don’t be an ass, be cool” was running through his head as he watched how happy Craig seemed. As much as he wanted to hate Tyler for having what he wanted, Tyler was his friend and did nothing wrong. He just would have to deal with his broken heart.

Dinner with the couple and Evan followed, and Brian thought he was doing a good job of hiding what was going on. He was drinking more than usual, trying to drown the stabbed feeling from his heart in the fuzzy relief of beer and whisky, but the Craig and Tyler seemed to put it down to him finally relaxing. Evan was a different story. When Brian left to go to the bathroom, Evan followed him, confronting him with what he was seeing.

“Brian, what the fuck is going on? You’re quiet and drinking too much.” Brian’s glare reflected back at Evan through the mirror. “I’m fine. Just trying to chill.”

“I’ve known you for years Bri. This is not you relaxing; this is you trying to avoid something. Is it Craig and Tyler? Something with them?” Evan’s hand on his shoulder broke Brian’s resolve; he shuddered and let out the gasp he had been holding all afternoon. “Fuck man. I didn’t know; I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. No one did. And I don’t want anyone else to. If I wasn’t so drunk, I would be holding it together better. Please don’t mention it. I want things to be normal so I can get over this shit.” He looked at Evan through the mirror who nodded and left. Brian knew that if anyone could keep his secret, it would be Evan.

The group departed, Evan back to his house and the other three back to Craig’s apartment. There drunken rounds of Mario Kart, more alcohol, and Fortnite games ensued, with Craig getting more clingy over Tyler the more he drank. Brian tried to focus on the games as a distraction, but when that didn’t work, he started to pray to whatever god was listening that they could go to bed soon just so he could stop watching the man he loved climb all over someone else.

Blessedly, Tyler finally said “Alright you clingy fuck, let’s go to bed. Brian you good in here?” “Yeah man, I’ve got blankets and a couch. I’m set.” Tyler picked Craig up and carried him to the bedroom, leaving Brian to turn off the lights and crawl into a nest of blankets on the couch. He heard giggles from the bedroom and then silence.

Alone, confronted with his feelings with no distractions, Brian felt himself begin to fall apart. He couldn’t breathe, and the tears that had been brewing behind his eyes rushed forth as he clutched at his chest. His head buried in the pillow, he let his sadness out in the form of tears and gasps as all his dreams fell apart.

The next morning, he woke up to flowers in his throat.

The next two weeks were hell. The more time he spent with Craig and Tyler the more full his lungs felt and the more flowers he coughed up with every breath. At the end of the first week, he began coughing up blood as the rough edges of flower stems scratched his throat. He kept it hidden until he spent the day with Evan, who found him hunched over the sink in the bathroom with flowers and blood everywhere.

“FUCK Brian. What’s going on?” Evan quickly set him down and began using a towel to wipe the blood and petals leftover on his skin from the most recent attack as Brian caught his breath. Brain explained the disease and tried to skip over the consequences until Evan forced him to tell all the details. At the news of the fatality of the disease, Evan’s eyes widened.

“Does Craig know this is going on? Brian, we have to do something!”

“No. He can’t know. I’ve watched him this week, and he is so happy. I can’t… I can’t tell him what’s wrong.”

Evan sighed as he leaned against the bathroom wall. “Then you have to get the surgery. You can’t die from this.”

Brian stood up to look straight into Evan’s eyes. “I will not get that surgery. The surgery will make me forget him. I’d rather die loving him from a distance than live a long life without him. I won’t do that. I want to spend the time I have left with my friends, all of them.” He could tell Evan wanted to fight him but knew it wouldn’t do any good.

Brian kept his smile and his cheerful image up when he was with Craig, Tyler, and Evan, even as he felt himself getting weaker. The battle against coughing was becoming harder and harder to win; a couple of times he had to run to the bathroom during dinner to hide as an attack hit him. He pushed off Craig’s concern with the excuse of “I ate something bad” or “It’s just a cold”. But one night, he couldn’t hide anymore.

Tyler had gone home for a couple of days, leaving Brian and Craig to themselves. They watched movies and just talked like they used to. Soon, Craig was telling him the story of how he and Tyler had gotten together; their story was eerily similar to the one Brian had imagined. Late night conversations, visits, and an eventual confession by Tyler that bonded them instantly. Craig’s eyes were shining with happiness as he spoke.

Brian felt sick; the flowers seemed to bloom instantly in his throat. He tried to get up and run to the bathroom, but the lack of oxygen made him collapse. The flowers were choking him; the red and yellow petals are mixing with blood creating a block in his airway. He lifted himself up on one arm and coughed them out, but he felt the flowers and stems still coming out of his lungs with every breath he took. He lay on the floor, coughing out petals and unable to speak. Suddenly Craig was beside him, an arm around his waist to lift him up. The change in position helped him breathe, but he knew this was it. He was going to die. Brian leaned against Craig’s body and tried to catch what little breath he had left.

“Brian. The flowers…” Craig looked into his eyes. “Who is it? Please. Please tell me.”

Brian stiffened with surprise. The fact that Craig knew the story too was both a comfort and a curse. He didn’t want Craig to know that he loved him; his plan was to die at home alone. As he looked at Craig, he couldn’t stop himself. He leaned into Craig’s body and whispered.

“You. It’s always been you. I tried to ignore it but I can’t.” And he’s choking again, the flowers blooming into his throat to keep him from breathing. He feels the arms surrounding him tightening as they hold him up for breath. The petals that he’s coughing up are bigger and interspersed with stems, blood spraying against the hand he’s using to cover his mouth.

“What? Me? So when you saw me with Tyler… Oh god, this is my fault.” Craig is shaking around him, breaking down with the shock and the guilt. Suddenly he is looking into Craig’s blue eyes. “Brian please, don’t die on me. There has to be something we can do. I don’t want to lose you.”

“It’s too late for surgery. Besides, even if I had it, I would forget you. And I couldn’t live with that.” He lifted the hand he wasn’t trying to cover his mouth with to Craig’s cheek. “Please… just stay with me right now. I won’t be here much longer, and I just don’t want to be alone.”

Craig scooted back against the wall and pulled Brian closer. Brian could feel the shuddering breaths against his side; it was like there was nothing else in the world except to the man holding him close. He knew the end was near as the coughs became fewer but stronger, racking his whole body with pain. He looked at Craig, memorizing the face he loved, those gorgeous blue eyes and the stupid pink hair.

“Brian I’m so sorry, I wish I could fix this. If I had known… I don’t know what could have happened, but I wouldn’t have flaunted Tyler in front of your face like that. Oh god… So sorry Brian.” He felt tears staining his face as he gasped for breath, each time getting less and less oxygen. He vision began to waver as he looked at Craig.

“Don’t.. blame yourself. Be happy,” Brian gasped out. “That’s all I want.” He coughed again, flowers and blood spewing all over his chest. He closed his eyes as he leaned back into Craig’s shoulder, and felt a light kiss on his forehead. He smiled and took another shallow breath. Brian looked at Craig and whispered his final words:

“I love you.”

 


End file.
